This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
