fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your penis caused this!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
