I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Two words: blizzard sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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