lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
