What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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