I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
