I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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