I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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