New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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