she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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