did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
