Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
