I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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