absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
