I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
