The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
