Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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