I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize