I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
