Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What a dumb baby whore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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