Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
