i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
