saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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