hell yes lets make some ravioli
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
