No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
