I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
