y did u give ur computer a hand job?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
