I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
