I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
