You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize