frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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