he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Houston, we have a squirter
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
