i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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