have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
