Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
