I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
