I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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