I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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