Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
