I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
