I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dicks are not precious.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
