I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
