I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize