i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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