you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
