My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
