Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Walk of Shame today included voting.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
