Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
