Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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