I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize