his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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