Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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