He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
