apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
