no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
