No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize