I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
