I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
