My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
