I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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