he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
