i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
