why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
