Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
