I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
