hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
